Dead Hearts
by whispertoascream333
Summary: Heartbroken and off his meds Eli finds life too much of a burden to carry. Maybe the answer to true happiness would be to not feel at all?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Dead Hearts

Artist: Stars

Eli came home, slamming the front door once it he made it over the threshold. Every inch of his body hurt. He felt weak, his legs seeming to give right as he stepped into the house. Eli dropped to the ground without any intentions of getting up soon. He stayed down, curling himself into a ball and wept. It was not his finest moment, no, not by a long shot. Nonetheless tears streamed down his face. He attempted to clear them away but they fell faster than he had means to keep up with. He soon gave up on the effort, allowing the tears to roam freely down his face. This pain was far too much. The pressure in his chest was paralyzing. Eli clutched the collar of his shirt as he closed his eyes tightly, hoping to catch a his breathe. It was evident it was a lost cause. The walls were closing in on him quickly. He could see them moving closer. He watched them with anxious eyes begging them to stop. But they wouldn't cease. Faster they caved around him. Eli closed his eyes. He didn't want to see this. Right before he drowned underneath it all, Eli's eyes popped open and he sat upright.

Eli knew he couldn't trust his legs just then. He leaned his back against the wall as he sat in the foyer. His breathing was heavy and labored. He still clung onto his shirt. Beads of sweat rolled down his face, his cheeks feeling flushed. Eli swallowed the lump that rose in his throat. He felt weak as his shoulders slumped over. His body was sore and his mind was overcrowded. The anxiety attacks had been kept at bay as of late. Eli had actually forgotten the last time he took his medication. He had been doing well without it, or so he thought. He had gotten his writing back on track, a gift he thought he lost for good. But at what cost? What price did he truly pay for the momentary release? Now as he sat alone in his dark home, Eli was left contemplating what next to do with his life. He never saw this life for himself. Never did he think he'd have to rely on medicine to enable him to make it through the day but here he was. Eli licked his lips as his hands shook. He wiped the sweat of his face and let out a deep breathe. Slowly he rose to his feet, never daring to move too quickly. Once standing, Eli placed a hand on the wall to steady himself.

He turned his head and looked at the staircase. It seemed like such a daunting task. The staircase seemed to mock him, daring him to journey up the fourteen steps up to his room. Cautiously Eli sauntered towards the stairs. His feet dragged as he clambered up the stairs, taking his time. He gripped the banister for extra support as he finally reached the last step. He sighed, feeling a slight sense of accomplishment for making it all the way. Eli pushed open the door to his room, his body leaning heavily against the oak door. His heart raced and Eli felt sick as he started thinking about her again. Of all the nights, why did he have to see her today? He wanted to speak to her, but on far better terms. The look in her eyes was something he could not shake. Eli felt drained as he moved over to his dresser. He opened the third drawer and dug up the clothes there. Somewhere buried underneath piles of tees, was his vial. Eli grew frustrated as he was unable to find it. He extracted the clothes, throwing them on the ground in his haste. Finally his fingers made contact with the orange tube he was searching for. A sinking feeling shot through him. He had come such a long way. Disappointment washed over him.

Eli bit down on his lower lip as he took in a deep breathe. Did he really want to revert back to this? Eli caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. The rims of his eyes were a severe shade of red. His green eyes held nothing; not sadness, not hurt, just emptiness. Eli's brows furrowed together as he took in his reflection once more. What was he becoming? Gone was the boy, now was merely a shell. Eli clenched his jaw. He wanted to turn back into his former self. The guy who would laugh and smile, who could feel joy and love. That boy was gone. His spirit was shattered and he never really stood a chance. Tears fell down his face silently. Eli didn't make any attempts to clean them away. _What difference does it make?,_ he thought bitterly to himself. _What difference does any of this really make?,_ he questioned further. He clutched his vial tighter. Eli frowned and looked down, reading the prescription. He sighed as he read his name. What other sixteen year old required this? None that he knew, that was for certain. He looked away and back again. He could see her all to clearly in his head. Her blue eyes were filled with tears and hate, all because of him and all directed towards him.

Angrily, Eli flipped the top of the vial and left his room. He paced outside in the hall for a bit before opening the door to the bathroom. His footfalls seemed to echo in the quiet space. Eli turned on the tap, allowing the water to run from the faucet. He allowed it to turn as cold as possible before cupping his hands and splashing water on his face. It didn't do much to help his resolve but he still needed something to help combat the growing anxiety. He looked bitterly at his vial as it sat perched on the side of the sink. Eli picked it up and shook out a pill. Without much thought, he popped it into his mouth and swallowed it. He closed his eyes as it travelled down his throat. _Not so bad_, he thought to himself. Eli pursed his lips and took out another pill, then another, and one more for good measure. His mind felt fuzzy as his eyes seemed to drift a bit. _Did you ever love me at all, You're manipulating me, you scare me, Eli_. All words she spat at him. _Why can't she just love me?_, Eli wondered. He turned to the bathtub. Eli twisted the knobs and let water fill the tub. His eyes were halfway shut as he stepped inside, fully clothed. His body dropped, a loud sound was made but Eli didn't feel the pain he should have. He didn't feel anything.

He sat upright but soon his body was to lower. Soon water was right at his chest, his neck, his chin and his nose. Moments later, Eli was completely submerged. His eyes flickered open for a moment. The color before him soon started to fade. The silence pierced his ears but he welcomed it. For the first time in what felt like forever, the world was finally quiet. Solitude was finally his. With one last look, Eli closed his eyes, sinking further into the darkeness.


	2. Going Under Chpt 2

The water around him seemed to lull Eli. The water should has cold and numbed his body. Sweet bliss was what it felt like to him. Further now he sank deeper into to the darkness. It was so inviting. His eyes remained shut but he cold still see her so vividly. He was content with that being the last thing he saw. Her brilliant blue eyes shone so brightly in the darkness that surrounded him. Her porcelain skin was glowing as her face blurred in and out of focus. _Clare_, he said to himself. His precious Clarabell, the girl he loved who no longer loved him back. Why couldn't she just love him back? Would that not make things easier for them? He thought so. He truly believed they had the potential to be okay but that last shred of hope finally snapped. She was no longer his. He would always belong to her. Whether she wanted that responsibility or not, Eli's heart would always be hers. His mind went blank as his body plunged below the surface. His body felt light yet it sank so quickly, in practically no time at all. He like it there. The world was quite and soon enough the images in his mind blurred at the edges.

Time and space seemed non existant. Eli wasn't aware of anything now as his limp body remained at this base of filled bathtub. Water spilled over the edges but he didn't know. Even if he could comprehend the mess, he wouldn't have cared. His dark hair rose and swayed as the water that surrounded him made his body drift. His lungs were giving out. His breath was cut short for about a minute. It was only a matter of time before it would be all over. Water filled in through his nose. Eli wasn't aware of what was happening to him at all. He was lifeless there below the water. Would anyone miss him when he was gone? It didn't matter. What difference would it make if he lived or died? That was the question he had been asking himself as of late. Tonight he was soon to find an answer….

"Code Blue, we need a room stat. Male, sixteen, overdose, drowning. Possible suicide attempt," someone shouted. Eli couldn't hear them. All the lights and sounds of the hospital were non existent as Eli remained un conscious. He couldn't feel his mother's hand as it held onto his. He couldn't hear her cries or her pleas for her baby boy to live. _Eli, baby. Please. Eli, you have to wake up_, her voice cracked under the strain of worry and pain. Eli was being transported into a room quickly. The medical crew pushed his stretcher through swinging double doors. The mask on his face kept him stable for now. The IV buried in his right forearm was his lifeline for the moment. CeCe's hand shook over his, her hands and body still soaked from finding Eli in the bathroom. She jumped in after him, pulling her only child from harm's way. It may have been too late but she was clinging to the hope that he could in fact be saved. On the other side of the stretcher, Bullfrog raced alongside. Gone was his need to fill the silence with laughter and jokes. He stared down at Eli. He watched as his son's chest barely rose when he inhaled. Tears formed in his eyes at the sight.

This was all too much. This pain was far too real. The medical crew told them they had to wait outside the doors as they located a room. Panicked, his parents didn't want to part from him. "Mr. and Mrs. Goldsworthy, please. We're doing all we can for him." From the tone of the doctor, they were not particularly comforted. It seemed they were closer to losing him than having Eli be alright. CeCe broke into heavy sobs, her body collapsing against her husband's. He wrapped his arms around her as they sat in the stark white waiting room. Bullfrog propped his head ontop of hers as he whispered in a gruff tone that Eli would be alright. Of course he didn't know that. All he could do was hope he wasn't making an empty promise. They sat for hours. CeCe's crying soon subsided as her tired body fell into a quick slumber. Bullfrog kept his eyes on the doors, waiting for the first sign of a doctor, nurse, anyone with information. Moments later a doctor appeared. "You can see him now," he said in a curt tone. CeCe and Bullfrog rose to their feet, unsure of what to expect on the other side.

Eli's throat felt sore. Worse than sore it felt attacked, dry and broken. The water left his insides raw. His hands were pale, his body completely numb and shattered. He stared up at the bright lights overhead. It was becoming all too familiar a scene for him. The IV in his arm irritated him. He picked at the needle for a bit before deciding it wasn't wise. He rolled his eyes at the thought. _Now you decide to show caution?, _a voice jeered. He sighed and looked around himself. His body felt too weak to sit upright. The small task of turning his head was far too much. Eli took in the room. The machines next to him beeped and droned on, an interesting soundtrack to the empty space. It hurt too much to breathe. Eli fumbled with the oxygen mask, clinging to it. He drew in a deep breath, as much as he could before his lungs winced. Eli coughed and regretted his choice. His throat felt as if it were on fire. The door to his hospital room opened slowly. Eli's eyes tried to focus on the figures approaching him. He was tired and soon gave up, closing his eyes and resting his head against his pillow. He could hear footsteps coming closer and sense people around him. He turned in their general direction. His eyes opened up a small bit. He could see the distinct outlines of his parents. He was too drained to think about the trouble he was in or the pain he caused them.

"He's going to be okay, right?" he could hear Cece ask. Her voice sounded so small, so unlike her usual upbeat, outspoken tone.

"He'll live, if that's what you mean," Bullfrog's harsh tone broke through. "I hope he'll be alright eventually. He's so broken," he continued to say.

Eli's eyes drifted shut. He didn't know if his parents stayed longer or if they left right after. But for now his body needed rest. Whatever happened next, he could not say with certainty. All he could hope was that it would somehow work in his favor.


End file.
